Dream 15 – September 23, 2013 (Dream 13 & 14 Pending)

by kuriouskaren

dream15

Frustration, Worry, Sadness, & Shame                                                                                                                                                                                                 In the [beginning] of my dream, I am at my uncle`s house and am waiting on my mother to come back from apartment hunting. A while later, my uncle gets a phone call and we get into the car together. I think he`s driving me to my work in the morning, but instead he drops me off at an apartment where my mother is waiting outside. In the [middle] of my dream, my mom tells me to get in her car so she can drive me to work. I get angry. I ask my uncle why he dropped me off at the apartment instead. He tells me my mother ordered so. I tell her this is a waste of my time and it was her job to look at the apartment list I gave her and make a choice. I am going to be late for work that morning and didn`t agree to see apartments at the last minute – this really irritates me. She then drives me to work and appears sullen. I get frustrated that she can`t ever follow instructions properly. I am the daughter, but I feel I am always having to hold her hand when we agree to do something together. I then notice that her right arm is bruised and looks like it`s starting to get an infection. I ask my mom what`s wrong with her arm, and she tells me that earlier that day that she met a German man earlier that day who touched her arm and gave her a bad infection. I worry at this thought. At the [end] of my dream, my mother starts to get really dizzy and I tell her to pull over the car, fearing we might get into an accident. We stop in front of a jjimjilbang (Korean sauna) and I take her inside looking for a washroom and place to rest. She feels very cold, and I decide to give her a warm shower to warm her up and giver her a clean change. She faints soon thereafter on the sauna floor. I start to panic. I start yelling around and I catch two girls`attention. The two girls start to panic upon seeing my mother lying on the ground, and tell me I should just take here out of here. They seem scared — and I get really angry because they obviously can`t process what`s really happening and don`t even bother to understand or lend a helping hand. I snap and tell them ”Shut your mouth. This is my mother and not yours. So don`t tell me what to do with my own mother.” I pull out my cell and tell my work I`m going to be running very late due to an emergency. I then call a doctor, who tells me to take her home and that he will meet me there – but she will be fine with medication and rest. Once home and after the doctor`s visit, I wrap her in an extra blanket, look back before heading out the door, and then leave for work. I feel guilty for doing this.

Symbolism (from dreammoods.com):

Apartment: To dream about an apartment refers to your financial or emotional state. To dream of a large and lavish apartment means that you are headed in the right direction in life. Things will improve for you.

Driving: …To dream that someone else is driving you represents your dependence on the driver. You are not in control of your life and following the goals of others instead of your own. …

Uncle: To see your uncle in your dream represents some aspect of your family heritage and trait. It also symbolizes new ideas and emerging awareness. Consider the idiom “say uncle” to mean surrender or admit defeat.

Mother: To see your mother in your dream represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection. Some people may have problems freeing themselves from their mothers and are thus seeking their own individuality and development. …To dream that you are having a conversation with your mother denotes a matter that has preoccupied your mind and you are not sure how to deal with it in your waking life. It indicates unresolved problems that need to be worked out with your mother.

Infection: To dream that you have an infection indicates negative thoughts and ideas that you have internalized. Consider also where in the body is this infection for more significance.

Sauna: To dream that you are in a sauna suggests that you need to be more open and receptive to others’ opinions and ideas. Perhaps you need to rid yourself of the negativities in your life.

Fainting: To see a family member faint in your dream signifies that you will hear some indiscreet activities from that person.

Analysis:

Since I was 9 years old until I was 21, I`ve moved to four different cities and moved homes more than eleven times. I`ve lost count. So apartment hunting symbolizes both my financial and emotional state – it embodies the security that I seek. Times have been financially unstable since I was about 9. When I was younger, my father was loaded – and then he lost it all. After his bankruptcy, he had a stroke and could not be the primary earner in the household anymore. He wasn`t mentally or physically fit to do so. So my mother had to take over his duties, as well as continue on with her initial duties – she had to juggle two roles and was unprepared. My uncle acted as a surrogate father of sorts since that time, but always kept his distance and could not accept full responsibility for me and my sister. I am always driven by my uncle and mother since these two people had the greatest influence on me in my formative, adolescent years and I grew up much under their guidance. Growing up, I always compared my mother to other people`s parents and I complained a lot about her ineptitude to her face; my biggest issue was that she couldn`t speak English fluently and I always had to help translate things for her (especially when it came to signing official documents and using personal electronics). I would get so upset when she couldn`t pay the bills on time or why we couldn`t have normal family dinners together. As a result, I felt an urgency to learn to speak Korean and expand my Korean vocabulary. So her inability to drive me to the correct place on time is symbolic in her miscommunication. I think the infection on her arm came really from when my father had a stroke – it really damaged her too. With my father`s stroke though, my mother was still desperate to keep an inkling of the lifestyle we had before; and with my mother`s choice to send me to the best schools, I was always around people who were much wealthier than me and my mother was aware of this; for example, she blew $800 (plus HST) in one shot on two designers coats for me in high school – just because she wanted me to fit in. I also used to lie about my mother working in food preparation and being a waitress, because I thought it was shameful. I would also hide the fact that my Korean mother is 32 years younger than my German dad, since I did not want people to see me as a product of a lascivious relationship. I`m still coming to terms with it now. I think the sauna represents me coming to realize how people perceive me and my mother. I know some people will look down on me or disassociate themselves from me knowing that my mother has financial struggles – and I should just forget about people like that. I am just wasting my time trying to impress others about things that don`t matter or reflect my own future potential for being successful. Looking back now, she really gave me everything she could and invested all she had in her daughters. I do feel guilty and shame for ever thinking she was worth little and that she was incompetent. These days since I hit my early 20`s, I`m really patient with her and try to understand her past history and struggles – everyone is shaped by their own individual past experiences. Even my own parents.

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