Dream 20 – November 19, 2013 (Other dreams pending…)
Desperation, Optimism, & Anxiety
In the [begining] of my dream, I just moved into a new apartment. Everything is made of wood, and it looks like the apartment is on a higher level. There is a balcony stretched outside that is covered by evergreen tree branches. The apartment is more like a lodge. Everything is very dusty and the dishes were all put away dirty. The apartment is open concept – except for one room with walls – the washroom is covered by a plastic curtain divider. I have a roommate – it’s a girl I met on my rugby team in high school, who was also in my school’s cooking club like me. She is also half-asian and she’s stellar at playing the violin. I think she’s well rounded and responsible. In the [middle] of my dream, my roommate tells me that her last roommate moved out and that I will get the room bordered off by actual walls – she sleeps in a bunk bed off to the side of the living room. The apartment is dank and has low lighting. It’s not an ideal place for me to be. I end up deciding to clean and reorganize the kitchen so it’s more livable – I know a space is livable only by how much effort you put into it. When I’m organizing and washing, I overhear my roommate on the phone telling someone that I won’t figure something out soon – I overhear that the apartment is haunted and that she found it hard to find a roommate. She likes the apartment because the rent is affordable. I get upset at hearing this, stop what I’m doing and confront her; she tells me that a man was stabbed to death right when he was opening the fridge – each night the fridge pools blood under it and she has to get up and clean it early in the morning so I don’t notice. She tells me that after midnight, the ghost comes out and acts more like a poltergeist shifting things. And that I got the bedroom with walls so it doesn’t come in to bother me – it usually just floats around and shifts things. At the [end] of my dream, I realize I have to live with this ghost for at least a week or two more until I find a new place. I’m really angry at my roommate and don’t talk to her. I lock myself in my room around ten each night. This goes on for about a week, where I am living in constant fear and the idea of the ghost and his murder is always on the back of my mind. The last day, when I’m going to move out with my stuff, I’m about to say bye to my roommate – and in walks my acting coach. My acting coach tells me that this experience was all just a test to bask in my fear and become comfortable in it – fear is something constant and something I have to learn to live with – like my roommate. There never was a ghost and this apartment is just a training ground for actors.
Symbolism (from dreammoods.com):
Apartment: To dream about an apartment refers to your financial or emotional state. To dream of a large and lavish apartment means that you are headed in the right direction in life. Things will improve for you.
Wood: …To dream of wood suggests that you are feeling dead and emotionless inside. Your behavior is too automated. You are not fully thinking things through.
Roommate: If you don’t have any roommates, but dream that you do, then it means that you are looking for a friend or for companionship. You want a friend who you can share your feelings with, who you can be open with and who you can talk to about anything.
Blood: To see blood in your dream represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments. … There is a situation that you need to confront. You can not avoid it any longer. More specifically, if blood is on the bathroom walls, then it indicates that the situation that you need to confront is an extremely emotional one.
Fridge: To see or open a refrigerator in your dream represents your chilling personality and/or cold emotions. The dream may also be telling you that you need to put some goal, plan, or situation on hold. …
Phantom: To see a phantom in your dream represents guilt, fear, and/or repressed memories. Your dream is serving as a medium for you to face your fears and thus it is important to pay attention to what message the phantom is trying to convey.
Teacher: To see your teacher (past or present) in your dream suggests that you are seeking some advice, guidance, or knowledge. You are heading into a new path in life and are ready to learn by example or from a past experience. Consider your own personal experiences with that particular teacher. What subject was taught?
I think my emotional state is dead at the moment. The apartment made of wood signifies this. I know that my roommate in my dream was someone who has always pushed me to challenge myself – either experimenting with different recipes or try and take chances in a rugby match. She was someone who was older than me and who I could look up to, since her own life and personal philosophy seemed strong to me. I think I am also trying to clean the kitchen to sterilize it, but she stops me and tells me that chaos is something desirable – not to worry about set patterns and that exploration will take you very far in your life. The fridge with the blood pooling underneath represents my own restraints on chilling my emotions – it tries to pool out from underneath the fridge and flood outwards. I think most artists I have met are looking for ways to communicate – I think they have a need to communicate what they are subjectively feeling. The phantom in my dream is also a character with a lot of regret – he got stabbed in the back by one of his friends and he left his life with a lot of regrets. He is a testament to take chances and not regret. My acting teacher is someone who is guiding me to open up emotionally and she does this in a controlled, yet safe environment. My dream apartment is a private space; in real life classes, she does not allow strangers to watch her classes and she is not overtly commercial. She is showing me how to cope with fear through a real life lesson – instead of telling me through words, which will not sink in.
This dream also symbolizes angst – from an existential perspective:
From Wikikepdia, the free encyclopedia “…In Existentialist philosophy the term angst carries a specific conceptual meaning. The use of the term was first attributed to Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (1813–1855). In The Concept of Anxiety (also known as The Concept of Dread, depending on the translation), Kierkegaard used the word Angest (in common Danish, angst, meaning “dread” or “anxiety”) to describe a profound and deep-seated condition in human beings. Where animals are guided solely by instinct, said Kierkegaard, human beings enjoy a freedom of choice that we find both appealing and terrifying. … While Kierkegaard’s angst referred mainly to ambiguous feelings about moral freedom within a religious personal belief system, later existentialists discussed conflicts of personal principles, cultural norms, and existential despair.”
From Urban Dictionary “…Angst, often confused with anxiety, is a transcendent emotion in that it combines the unbearable anguish of life with the hopes of overcoming this seemingly impossible situation. Without the important element of hope, then the emotion is anxiety, not angst. Angst denotes the constant struggle one has with the burdens of life that weighs on the dispossessed and not knowing when the salvation will appear.